I Melt - Rascal Flatts

I hate that I am so insecure. I hate working twelve hour shifts. I hate that I get trapped in my head. I hate that I ruin everything.

My day is spent, convincing myself that I'll never be good enough for anything. I try not to, but unfortunatly, no matter how hard I try, I usually get trapped in this method of thinking. I just want to be enough for you. I hope I am.

You offer me dinner, and my insecurity tells me I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I feel bad that you would have to do dishes, to create something for me you have thought all day about. My words cut you open. I hate myself. I want it so bad, but everything I have ever known, tells me I haven't done anything to deserve it. I ruin your plans. I feel instantly a hundred times worse, and it's ruined. Because of me.

You're hurt, and mad. Drinking long from a bottle of wine, I know our time will be limited when I arrive, especially with the sleep we had last night. I tell you over and over again that I love you, which is true. Will always be true. Always is true. Forever. You ask why I keep telling you that, and partly because I want to hear it back. I want to know that no matter what, you love me back. Even with all my shit. Second, I watch what Chris and Candice have become. Our shit, our stupid fights mean nothing anymore. I just want to get home and hug and kiss you. I want to be with you.

I buy you flowers, because I feel like I have been a shit boyfriend. You deserve more. You deserve better. I will become that. I'll be your Vodka Cranberry no matter what. It breaks my heart that you tell me you were going to put me as your boyfriend on facebook, stupid I know, but important to me none the less. My heart skips a beat as you fall asleep, I see you posted that you have the best boyfriend in the world. Even with all my shit, with everything I ruin, you still think that of me. I don't get it, and I just pray it wasn't just a drunken lapse of judgement. I hope you meant that. I need you to mean that. I love this girl.

I am sorry for who I am. I am changing. I am working hard to change. Please just be patient with me. I love you. Forever and Always. With everything I have.

Mo Mhiann Daonnan