Everyone has that one significant moment. When everything changes. When their world is flipped upside down. I remember mine. Sitting in Tim Hortons, with a girl I have never met before. She's spent hours running through my mind, and I've debated our compatibility, our chance of success, my chance of being good enough for her. We order, food and coffee and I am mesmerized by her order. A large double double, with lasagna and a donut on the side. One point for compatibility. We sit at a small table in the middle, my choice. Close enough to the door to give her the chance to run, but far enough that she'll have to make it evident. No more unknowns for me. If she's going to leave, I am going to know.
Mid way through her meal, she drops some. Off her shirt, the table and down to the floor. Most girls would be embarassed. But not her. This is it. Something inside me awakens. Something unknown. She laughs. Smiles. Her lip cocks, and her eyes cross. I'm blown away. This look, I want to see the rest of my life.
Everything changed. Hope was born. Maybe this is everthing I have been searching for my whole life. I have never been certain of much. And the things I was certain of, was pain, darkness, blood, and betrayel. Now. Now, I am certain of hope. That's all I need. I know it will lead to love. It scares me, but I have never wanted anything as much as this. I'm willing to give everything, to allow this fire to breath. To let it consume me. To consume us. To make us one. This passion, and love, is deeper than any emotion I've ever felt. The years of hate, anger and despair - Don't come close to this. It's scary. But in a good way.
Fast forward a couple months later. This look comes everyday. And those feelings, are a flood of memories and emotions that give me hope. I fall in love with her deeper and deeper, and am unable to comprehend how this works. I love her with everything I have, and tomorrow she will solidify that love even deeper in a look, a touch, a kiss, a smile. I love this girl. She is my world.
She sleeps off a day that was supposed to be used to make this room ours. But it's ok, I'm not mad. I take care of her, nuturing and loving. I know this day will come, maybe not tomorrow or the next, but the day is coming. The night is always darkest before the dawn, but the dawn is coming. I can see the faint rays come up on the horizon. Rays that speak of marriage, kids, and a lifetime of happiness. I'm excited and can barely contain myself. I don't want to miss a single day of our lives together, but I crave days like when I propose, our wedding, our first and second child, buying a house together, sending our kids off to school. I can't wait and wish they would come faster. But for now, I am patient. Whether I want to be or not. So I'll climb back into bed, drink in her smell, and hold her unwilling to let her go. She's my kind of rain. I love this girl.
Megan Shaina Smith,
I love you. You told me you don't believe it, and this is my vow to you. I will spend the rest of our lives proving that I love you. That I will never leave or forsake you. I love you. With all my heart, mind, body and soul. You're mine, and I am yours.
Forever.
We are.
Infinite.
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